The Dimming War, part III: Ice Bright, Deeping Heart

Sir Wick’s quest for the Winsome Scale began with a choice: to wander aimlessly, seeking that which no one had ever found; or to journey to the house of one who might share wisdom. He chose to seek wisdom, for even if he who gave it could not direct him to the Scale itself, still wisdom was always a useful thing to have. So it was that he hurried to the house of Absyll Skwall.

Absyll Skwall was a wizard, and his house was called Tempist. This house was really a tower, and it stood on a strange and wild hill that marked the frontier between three Places – Shining, Shifting, and Deeping, which was the commonest name for the Place of Water. This hill was made of light shot through with veins of water and air, and Shining glowed behind the tower like a bright sunrise, or at times like a silver moon, and sometimes like a rippling midnight aurora. Above and about the tower was a great dome of air, blowing currents of light and water this way and that like clouds, or perhaps letting tiny motes of light and water drift lazily like unfixed stars or faerie lamps. Before the tower was a wide sea of water, whose depths glittered with pockets of light and roiled with bubbles of air. Sometimes this sea was was mirror smooth, and sometimes it rose into rolling waves filled with light and the rushing of wind. To either side of the hill rose a great forest, with trees of light, air, and water, all glittering or shifting or dripping one next to the other.

But if it seemed that Tempist was a place where water mixed with light, light mixed with air, and air mixed with water, this was only an illusion, for this was the Time of Separation, and though the stuff of the Places might mingle, still they could not mix. Each Place had its own deserts and shadows and seasons, but they were all made of the very stuff of the Place itself. Shining had its shadows, though they were made of light, and Deeping had its deserts, though they were vast and watery. Even so, if the light of Shining, the air of Shifting, and the water of Deeping never mixed, still they swirled around each other, rising in great towers of spinning light and air and water, or else they rushed in powerful torrents, or fell like a misty rain to run in rivulets back into the weird cove that lay spread out below the hill where stood Tempist. This cove was not a safe, sheltered place, but a deadly, swirling vortex where the stuff of light, air, and water frothed and roared in a lovely, frightening display. No boat would dare its surface, and no one who fell in had ever climbed out again.

No one knew why Absyll had chosen to build his house in such a place, but those who gave it any thought guessed that it was a place of great power, where secrets of Shining, Shifting, and Deeping might be revealed to those who knew how to watch. To what purpose Absyll would watch for such secrets was anyone’s guess, and the guesses were many. Was he wise and gentle, seeking a way to bring peace to the different Places? Or was he crafty and dangerous, seeking only the power of the Places for his own advantage? Or was it something else altogether? His manner gave little indication, for one moment he was gentle and calm, but he could become wrathful and dangerous with little warning. Even so, his wisdom was deep, and if he could be wrathful, he was still generous.

While Absyll was the master of Tempist, he was not really its keeper; that duty and power fell to his wife, Lady Glacia, who was born of Shining. Unlike Sir Wick, who was a gentle glow, Lady Glacia was a killing glare, like a midday sun on a sheet of polished ice, and her heart was just as cold. She was lovely to look upon, but the blood of those who looked too long might freeze. Likewise, though her hands were lovely and delicate, their touch could numb even the flesh of a Burning Duke. Deadly though she was, she was a gracious hostess, and she would often intervene on the side of mercy when her husband’s mood turned stormy. She was not herself given to violent tantrums, but her demeanor was one of icy calm so cold that it could be just as fatal as Absyll’s fury. So perhaps her mercy was not born so much of compassion as it was of propriety – killing a guest would be the very definition of rudeness, after all. But if a visitor was not received as a guest but as a prisoner, well … the rules of hospitality did not apply to prisoners.

So it is clear that Sir Wick’s choice was not the easy one, for he could not depend upon a warm reception from either Absyll or his wife. He could hope, but not depend, for Lady Glacia had proven herself no kinder to her fellows from Shining than she did to travelers from any other Place. Only those from Glooming could count upon her cruelty, but if they were greeted as guests by Absyll before she found them, they could expect mercy from her even if Absyll’s mood became deadly.

Sir Wick felt the risk was worth the reward, and so to Tempist he went. His journey was not arduous, though it was not quick, and eventually he climbed the road that wound round the hill of light and stood before the wide door of Tempist, where hung a horn. He put the horn to his lips, and blew as mightily as he thought was polite. Presently there came to the wide door a servant, who peered at him and asked him his name and his business.

Sir Wick smiled kindly at the man, and said, “I am Sir Wick of Swift, and I am questing for the Winsome Scale.”

The servant shook his head sadly, and said, “I am sorry, sir knight, that your quest has led you to Tempist, for the Winsome Scale is not here; neither can my lord or lady tell you its whereabouts, for not even they know that secret. And if they do, it must be that they wish to keep it for themselves, and so they will not give it to you. No, good knight, you have wasted your time in coming here, and risked your life into the bargain; my lord is in a black mood this day, and will surely clap you in irons in the dungeon if he should learn of your presence here. Then my lady will freeze your flesh to ice with glance, and whisper such things to you that shall set your blood afire until your flesh melts and runs like water from your bones. I have enough to do already without gaining another skull to polish and dust.

“Please, noble sir, turn back to the road and leave Tempist before my lord Absyll finds you.”

But Sir Wick would not leave, and neither would he even agree to spend that night in the woods and return in the morning in the hopes of finding Absyll in a better mood. His heart told him the way to the Winsome Scale lay through Tempist, and none of the servant’s pleas could sway him. Gently he insisted that the servant bring him to Absyll, for perhaps a visitor might change his mood.

The servant shook his head but did as he was told, and led Sir Wick through the halls of Absyll’s house. Finally they stopped before a magnificent door. “I shall inform my lord of your visit, good sir,” said the servant, before knocking and entering. A few seconds passed, and though the servant had closed the door, still Sir Wick heard a furious bellowing from the chamber. The door was as thick as the span of the knight’s hand, but it seemed as if he stood in an open archway so clearly could he hear Absyll’s rage.

The door flew open with such suddenness that Sir Wick feared it would be torn from its hinges, and there stood Absyll himself, green hair and beard whipping about in his anger, glaring at his visitor. He trembled in fury, and nearly threw himself upon Sir Wick, who moved only to bow before standing still and quiet.

“What’s this? What’s this? The Winsome Scale? You disturb me with a fool’s errand, even after my man told you I knew nothing of its whereabouts? The cheek! The gall! I’ve no time to waste on idiots and fools who chase after the unattainable! Not today, and not tomorrow. Not now! You should have listened to my servant and slept in the woods, for tomorrow I should certainly have received you as a friend and given you what aid I could! But now I shall give you only chains and cold stone, and let my wife give you the cold comfort of her company. Ha! We’ll see how well you like that, foolish, impertinent knight! Away with him! Away!”

Sir Wick was taken with such speed to the dungeons that the tower seemed to melt into mist around him. One second he stood in a fine hall with thick carpets and beautiful tapestries, and the next he stood barefoot in a dark cell, bound in chains. His arms and armor had been taken, and he was left only with the token of his gentle lady’s favor: a thin braid of her hair tied into a band he wore on a finger of his right hand. He looked at that finger and the favor it carried, and raised it too his lips. The gentle scent of flowers filled his nose, and its touch was like silk on his kiss. He closed his eyes to the sight of his dark, dingy hole, and saw only the face of his lady. His heart filled with such love and courage that he couldn’t help but smile, even in the midst of cold stone etched with misery. Soon he laughed with joy, and opened his eyes to look upon his predicament with happier eyes, for even great problems seem less when viewed with a light heart.

It was not so small a cell as he had first believed, but the shadows fell in such a way as to deceive a quick glance. The walls were bare stone, but many chains hung from heavy iron rings set in the stone. He was himself bound to one of those rings, with just enough chain to allow him to lie down if he wished. The floor was likewise bare stone, but here and there sat clumps of moldy straw, and with a little effort he was able to stretch and gather enough to himself to make a more comfortable bed, which he promptly sat upon. He raised his ring to his lips again, and laughed at the chains and the stone, and at the heavy iron-bound door that sealed him in. He laughed, and shook his head at his plight.

“What manner of man are you,” asked a soft voice from an especially thick shadow, “that you can find humor in such a place as this? Are you mad, or do you know some secret that no other prisoner here knows? Do you know a way to escape this place?”

Sir Wick regarded the shadow with a smile, and said, “No, my friend, I am not mad, and the only secrets I know are the ones I have brought with me. I have never thought to use them here, but I can use them here as well as anywhere.”

“And what secrets are those?” asked the voice. “Do you know the words to unlock your chains? Can you convince the walls to open and let you pass? Or do you know something to frighten the guards with, so they will spirit you away before Glacia comes for you?”

Sir Wick shook his head, and answered, “No, I know none of those things, though I would dearly like to. I know only that I have sworn myself to a lady, and that I love that lady and that she loves me in return. I know that I shall escape this prison and that I shall finish my quest, though I do not know how I know. It is enough to know, and to trust that I know.”

“You called me your friend,” said the voice, “and I will gladly take that title if I may return the same to you. We are lost here together, you and I, and a friend can be a great treasure in a place such as this, more valuable than food and drink, perhaps. May I call you my friend, sir?”

Sir Wick smiled and nodded, and answered, “It would please me to have a friend here, where I seem to have none. Yes, you may tell everyone in every Place that Sir Wick of Swift is your friend.”

The voice in the shadow was silent for a moment, and when it spoke again it was with a hint of cautious hope and, thought Sir Wick, trust. “And likewise you may tell your fellows that Peregrine is your friend, if you wish, though you might be wise to keep such a friend as I a secret.”

Then the voice left the thick shadow, and Sir Wick saw that it belonged to a small fellow, a penniless wanderer born of Glooming. He also saw that this little fellow was not bound in chains, but that he walked freely about the cell. Peregrine smiled warily, and said, “You say that you do not know how you shall escape this prison, only that you shall, and that you shall return to the lady you love. Well, I shall tell you something I know, my friend.

“It is just as well that you do not know the words to unlock your chains or let you pass through walls, for Absyll has enchanted them all to prevent just such a trick. Neither can you frighten the guards, for they are both too frightened of and devoted to their master to betray him.”

Peregrine’s wary smile became warm. “There is only one way to escape the dungeons of Tempist alive, and it is our good luck that I know the secret of it. If you wish,” he said with a wink, “I shall tell you how.”

The Dimming War, part II: Shining Knight, Darkling Thief

The war between Shining and Glooming was not limited to the frontier between those kingdoms, and neither was it fought only by their soldiers. The war saw battlefields in all the Places, and involved soldiers, both mercenary and otherwise, from every Place. Mercenaries would fight for either side if the pay was right, and shifting alliances would place the soldiers of one Place on the side of Light for one battle and in the service of Dark for the next. It was a weird, troubled web of intrigue and politicking, and the Hidden Queen and the Sun-Bright King were forced to play it against the rulers of all the other Places, though they desired more than anything to play only against each other.

This tangled web stretched unnoticed behind the daily lives of the folk of the Places, both common and noble, and each lived and did their business as best they could despite the web and the war. Merchants still traded, both at home and abroad; sailors manned the ships that sailed from one Place to another; farmers worked the land; and knights served their lords or went questing. All these little lives seemed of no consequence in the grand sweep of the war, but even the smallest, meanest event might have a profound effect on the greatest moment. Indeed, more often than not this is the case, but such tiny happenings usually go unnoticed in the shadow of history.

It was one, or perhaps two, of these smallest events that would shape the very outcome of the Dimming War. The war was too great to stretch on in one unbroken line of battle after battle, but was rather a sea of hatred and violence and ignorance that ebbed and flowed between storms of bloodshed and nervous calms. It was during one of these truces, when the Places settled but never relaxed, that these small events occurred.

Exactly as the merchants would travel from the cities of one Place to the villages of another, so too did the knights errant wander from one Place to the next. Some of these knights sought adventure while others served some quest, and they often found themselves in strange lands. Sir Wick of Swift was one of these questing knights, proudly sworn to the quest. He was a Shining knight, and though his soul and his blood served the Sun-Bright King, his heart belonged to a lady of the Place of Wind, which was most often called Shifting. Hers was a little title attached to a tiny land, hardly more than a large farm, though it came with all the duties required of any noble. Still, her servants loved her, and though she would never ask it of them, those who worked her land would have gladly gone hungry for her sake. She was gentle and kind, a soft breeze just strong enough to carry a song and the scent of flowers, but she was steady even when her quicksilver monarch raged like a hurricane and shifted from Emperor to Queen to Archduke to Sultana as the mood struck.

This lady had taken Sir Wick’s heart and given him her own in turn, for he was not a fiercely bright knight, but rather a warm glow that lifted spirits as well as darkness. This is not to say that he was not a capable warrior, for he was skilled enough in arms; instead, it would be better to say that he shed just enough light to show the way without blinding those whose ways lay elsewhere, and that his fellows looked to him for steady faith and quiet courage rather than a cutting glare. So it was no surprise that when Sir Wick’s lady, who had just a little title to go with a tiny land, found herself in distress, he paused only long enough to kiss his love before setting off on a quest that had ended the lives of many knights who had shone far brighter than he.

Perhaps it had been cruelty or perhaps it was a silly whim meant to be quickly forgotten, but Her Most Gracious Terror, the Sultana of the Endless Song, had demanded that the gentle lady make the Sultana a gift of the Winsome Scale. This was an impossible request, for though everyone in every Place had heard of the Winsome Scale, not even the wisest sage could name its properties or venture a guess as to its whereabouts. It was a faerie tale, a thing that was impossible to attain and foolish to attempt. It would have been kinder to demand the gentle lady impose peace between Light and Dark, for at least the war was fought between people that could be met, who had ears to listen and hearts to touch.

Still, failure could have meant the end of his lady, so Sir Wick set off on his pointless quest certain of one thing: he would try, and if he failed, then even still he might win the day for his lady love, though he knew not how.

So it was that the only Shining hero who might see his enemies’ virtues began his little event, for though it seems a grand quest it was a quest of import only to a gentle lady of little title. Besides which, most would say a quest that cannot be won is a fool’s quest, and therefore of no consequence.

But there were two heroes to this tale, one of Light and one of Dark. Sir Wick’s counterpart was not a knight, nor even a favored servant of a petty lord. No, the hero of Glooming was a little thing, if clever, and was sworn to neither master nor mistress. This hero would have sneered at the name, not from a sense of disdain but for the thought that he did not deserve it. He was a wanderer, a thief, and a pauper, and had no hope of being a hero, for aren’t heroes grand? No, a sharp eye and a … kind … heart were not enough to be a hero. Nor even were a clever tongue and a quick mind enough, as he himself would be the first to say. But he would be wrong, this thief of the Hidden Place, for that is indeed all that is needed to be a hero, though he didn’t know it.

A pauper who would share his bread, even though he should grumble over it, is a hero, and even a thief can be admired if he isn’t greedy. Isn’t it true that some thieves might set us free by stealing a thing we clutch at even when that thing does us nothing but harm? Not that this thief set out to set anyone free, of course; he stole to keep body and soul together, but only just enough to do so, and never if the theft would do real harm. He might curse himself for it, but still he would go hungry if stealing meant someone else would suffer.

It must be said, however, that this thief was not a simple thief, for once upon a time he had been more – he had been a servant of a learned man, a sage of the Rhyming Halls in the city of Eventide. Fair Eventide straddled the Whispering Stream as it coursed through the Hushing Hills on its way to the sea, and was as justly famous for its poets and storytellers as it was for its scholars. While this hero was not a sage, still he had a poet’s tongue and, more important still, he had a poet’s eyes. Even men who can string words together in a pretty way are not necessarily poets, for a poet speaks what he sees even when he knows no one else could understand it. A poet’s eyes cannot be blinded, for they do not sit in his head but in his heart, and they do not see the world in the way most eyes do. But again, perhaps it is that a poet is someone who has the ears to listen to what his heart describes, and the tongue to speak it.

At any rate, this pauper-thief had that which makes a poet a poet, whether it be tongue, eyes, heart, or ears; and though he did not make his living through his poetry, still he lived by it. What else could drive a man from a comfortable bed and a heavy table to take up the life of a homeless wanderer but poetry? Oh, desperation might, true, and hatred, too; but this is a hero, and despite being born of Darkness he could not find it in himself to hate those born of Light. He did not trust them or expect aught but violence from them, but still he could not hate them, for had they not suffered as deeply at the hands of the Dark as the Dark had suffered through the efforts of Light? No, they did not deserve his hate, though he was wise enough to keep his mind to himself, for his fellows would surely have slain him as a traitor if he had shared it.

So this Dark hero was a thief and a pauper and a wanderer, but most important of all he was a poet, and he called himself Peregrine, for he felt himself a stranger in every Place. Perhaps most of all he felt himself a stranger in his own Place, and so he traveled as the wind blew, the road wound, and his heart demanded. And as he traveled he tried to do more good than harm, even when he stole, and he tried to speak truly more than falsely, even when he lied. He lived his little event every day, for isn’t the very life of a pauper the littlest of events? At least, isn’t that what we are led to believe?

The meeting of Sir Wick and Peregrine was just one more little event, but they were the little events in the lives of heroes, and they would shape not simply the Dimming War itself, but the very nature of every Place.

But that will have to wait for another post.

The Dimming War, the Delay

I apologize for the delay regarding The Dimming War, part II, but it has been a difficult week. I would like to say that it’s been an unusual week, but frankly it’s been fairly typical. Between work (both official and writing-related), spring yard work, and personal obligations, blogging can get a bit neglected. I have to admit that blogging is on the low end of my priorities list, but I need to work on convincing myself not to feel too badly about missing the occasional post.

On top of the usual stuff, I struggle a bit with depression, and things have been a little up and down this week. Normally, one of the surest ways of improving my mood is to sit and write, but overcoming depression enough to actually do it can be a real struggle. Of course, when I do manage to sit and write and it doesn’t go well, it hurts a lot more than a normal day of bad writing. Still, it’s always worth a shot.

I’ll confess that I’m unsure about even mentioning the depression thing, but if I’m going to be true to the intent of this blog (sharing what the life of this unpublished fantasy writer is like in the hopes of helping other starving artists), then I have to share the things I’m uncomfortable with, too. Most people won’t need my insights, such as they are, but a few might benefit. I think this is worth a post all its own, but not right now.

And to be fair, I did write an entire post – 2,000 words worth – and realized that it sucked and was irrelevant to this blog, so I deleted it. Grumble. Yeah, that really helped my mood, let me tell you.

So, before this brief post consumes a full allotment of 1,500+ words, I’m going to cut it off now. Rest assured that I am moving directly from writing and posting this into working on the second part of The Dimming War. Fair warning, though: I have a strong hunch that the post after part II will be about depression, acedia, and the challenges of writing.

Until then, have a little patience. Thanks.

The Dimming War, part I: As It Was

Okay, let’s try a story! Hope you like it.

The Dimming War

Here is a tale of an age long, long past, from a time before there were shadows, before there were suns and stars and moons, before there were days or nights, before there were sunrises or sunsets, at least as we know them today. This is a tale from the Time of Separation, when the kingdoms of Earth and Air, Fire and Water, were all held apart from one another, and when the kingdom of Darkness and the kingdom of Light came together only to make war.

Now, each of these kingdoms had a proper name, of course, and each of them kept a collection of poetic names, too; the kingdom of Fire, for example, was properly known as the Place of Burning, but it might be called the Endless Hearth to no one’s confusion. Likewise, the kingdom of Darkness was properly called The Hidden Place, but sometimes it was called Glooming. The kingdom of Light, on the other hand, was formally named the Place of Radiant Glory, but most people simply called it Shining and left it at that.

It should come as no surprise that each of these kingdoms had a king or a queen, though they referred to themselves as king, queen, emperor, archduchess, sultan, khan, and so on, each according to their own tastes. The Hidden Place had a queen, and she did indeed call herself Queen. Likewise, the ruler of Shining preferred the simple majesty of King, but neither King nor Queen could tolerate the existence of the other, and so waged ceaseless war upon each other.

The Shining King and the Hidden Queen did not simply detest each other, however; they hated each others lands and people, too, and their people shared their monarchs’ hatred. Thus, the war was fought with remarkable viciousness and enthusiasm, and neither monarch ever had to persuade their people to fight. Each kingdom believed that it was locked in a war of survival, for how could Light tolerate the Darkness, and how could Darkness survive in the presence of Light? For one to continue, the other must end, or so both sides believed.

So the war raged on and on, with no end in sight. The peoples of both lands lived in a weird mingling of confidence and fear, surety of their own strength and confusion over their failure to conquer their enemy. Vast armies would sweep out of Shining and pierce the thick darkness of Glooming only to be swallowed up and snuffed out, while endless swarms of the Hidden Queen’s soldiers would pour into the brilliance of Shining only to be overwhelmed and burned away. Never could one side strike deeply into the domain of the other, though they spent countless lives in the attempt.

It should be pointed out that The Place of Radiant Glory was not the hero of this story, and neither was The Hidden Place the villain. Men such as we are creatures more used to light than dark, with eyes more accustomed to day than night, and so we tell ourselves the fairy tale that light means goodness while dark means evil; but such is not the case. Nowhere is it written in the Great Book that governs the manner and means of all things that Light must be kind and Darkness cruel, or that Light must reveal and Darkness deceive. Indeed, nowhere is it written that Light must not be cruel (and it often is) or deceive (which it often does), or that Darkness can be neither kind nor truthful (and it is as honest as ever Light is, and at least as kind). We men depend upon such lies to make us feel that we understand, for understanding makes us feel safe.

Strangely, the Hidden Queen was not really as hidden as the peoples of the other kingdoms would believe, for she was readily accessible to all her subjects, who revered her as both queen and goddess. How could they not?; for she was and is the embodiment of all that Darkness is, both cruel and kind, truthful and dishonest, beautiful and ugly. Her subjects were many and varied, and included those fair of face and cruel of heart, cruel of face and fair of heart, black angels and blacker devils, wicked things and virtuous creatures. The most vicious wretch was as dear to her heart as the most compassionate maiden, so long as each was born of Darkness.

Many would think it stranger still that the Hidden Place was not an empty space of blackness, but rather a land of fantastic and wonderful sights to see, if the seer had eyes of Darkness. How could it be otherwise, for to these dark folk the Darkness was as clear as the air of a mountain top, unless it wasn’t, for there were thick and murky places there, too. Even so, the people of Glooming knew their land better through their ears and noses than through their eyes. There were gardens full of night blooming flowers where the air was heavy with perfume, and deep forests of black trees where the air was still and quiet except when a leaf fell with the rustle of silk. Wide plains were covered with long grass that sighed in the wind, and stinking, treacherous bogs pulled at travelers’ feet with sucking, squelching noises at every step. Caves there were aplenty, filled with strange echoes, and there were bare mountain tops, too. Shriveled things cackled and pranced around plumes of smoke in dead groves, and quaint villages stood along picturesque roads that wound through fertile farmland. Deep seas and babbling streams there were, and rocky wastes, too, and deserts filled with hissing sand; and all of it, sea and mountain, desert and bog, farm and forest, were made of Darkness, for nothing else could exist in the Place of Darkness but darkness.

And if Glooming was a place of wonder, so too was Shining. It would be easy to think that all was bright as crystal there, but there were places that glittered like jewels in candlelight, too, and places that were bright as the glowing embers of a dying fire. Even in those gentler places there was neither shadow nor darkness, however, for everything and everyone in Shining, and Shining itself, was made of Light. Bright, blinding light of a thousand hues and colors, golden light that rang like grand bells, and light that sparkled more than it shone, and tinkled like fragile chimes of spun glass. Damsels in rainbow gowns danced and flirted with knights clad in blaze-bright mail, while minstrels strummed lutes strung with thin-stretched rays of light. There were forests in Shining, too, filled with trees whose trunks looked like nothing so much as broad sunbeams, and were crowned with clouds of silver or gold or colored motes for leaves. Blinding deserts there were, and seas of liquid light. Cruel-eyed villains stole through searing alleys strewn with cast-off rays and broken gleams, and sturdy farmers covered in a sheen of sweat toiled in their wide fields of glowing barley.

Over all this land ruled the Sun-Bright King, and he was fair as a sunrise, unless his brow was wrinkled in fury. Then his gaze was as harsh as a spotlight, and no more forgiving. He wore a crown studded with a thousand bright jewels, and a robe woven of the finest sunbeam silk, stitched with threads of dawn at the hem that brightened to the glare of noon about his shoulders. His scepter was a shaft of blinding light, and his palace a maze of radiant crystal, blazing gardens, resplendent galleries, and halls filled with shifting torrents of moonbeams. The Sun-Bright King was wise and generous but quick to judge, and his judgements were often harsh and cruel. And whenever he cast his blinding gaze to the frontier where his kingdom met Glooming, his rage was terrible to behold. Then the whole of Shining would shake with his fury, for it galled him that his sight could not pierce the wall of Darkness, that he could not look upon the black-leaved forests that grew there, or upon the mysterious face of his enemy, the Hidden Queen.

But if his fury shook Shining and set the edges of Glooming to trembling, no less was the wrath of the Hidden Queen. The light of Shining was a torture to her, such that she could not look to the frontier without covering her eyes against the glare, which set tears streaming down her face for the pain. Then she would hiss and spit, and pull her dark hair and rend her dark gown, and her armies would sound trumpets and beat drums, and march against the glittering hordes of her enemy.

Many great heroes of Shining died, and so did many of its cruelest villains. Likewise, many honorable knights of Glooming fell beside multitudes of its most depraved fiends. Those heroes of Shining would have turned their bright blades upon the villains of their own land if not for the common enemy, and so too would the heroes of Glooming have fought valiantly against the treacheries of Glooming’s fiends. In truth, the hearts of heroes on both sides held more in common with each other than with their evil fellows, but they could not or would not see. They blinded themselves to their enemies’ virtues, and so committed ever more grievous acts in the name of patriotism and loyalty to cause and king.

Only two were there who had the fortune to see, the wisdom to acknowledge, and the bravery to act.

But the story of those two heroes must wait for another time …

The Why of It

I may have mentioned that I’m a daydreamer, and I’m pretty sure that I’ve called myself a writer, too. I know I’ve confessed that I am thus far an unpublished writer, but that I have decided that getting published is the next step. But why have I only just now decided to try and get published?

Well, that’s sort of a circle: I never intended to get published, so I didn’t write anything intended for publication, which meant that I’d never written anything good enough to get published, which led me to feel that I couldn’t write anything good enough to get published, which reinforced my lack of motivation to get published, which …

You see where this is going, right? All it really took was a decision to get published to break that nonsensical chain; but that decision was hard to make and far from easy to implement. The reason for that is pretty straightforward: I’m a daydreamer first, and a writer second. So switch them around, you might say. Not that easy, I’m afraid.

Folks like me (that’s lavenders, if you’ve read my last post) can be some of the very best of storytellers (among other things), but it requires a great deal of focus. Unfortunately, that focus doesn’t come easy, at least for me. I titled this blog Adrift in Daydreams for a reason. Yes, I daydream almost constantly, but I don’t want to give you the mistaken impression that I stick to one daydream for days or even hours on end. Sometimes I do, but generally I drift from one dream to the next according to the shifting currents of my aetheric ocean, and staying focused on one story to the exclusion of all the rest long enough, and with the appropriate intensity, to write a whole book … well that takes some serious willpower. Especially when the story hits a rough patch or I start to doubt my abilities. Self-doubt, I have come to learn, is a constant companion for every writer. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there like that, and a lot of hard, hard work to get to the point where you can even try to put yourself out there.

So yeah, I’m a regular fire hose of stories, but I’m a fire hose with a lot of tiny holes all along its length. The result is that I’m spraying tiny little stories all over the place, and the force of the story coming out the nozzle is severely diminished by that loss of pressure, so to speak. Patching up those little holes is a tiring and never ending job, let me tell you, and it’s sort of against my nature.

Why bother then? Well, that’s the real point of this post, isn’t it?

There’s a long story behind my decision to start writing professionally, but that’s for another time. That’s the story of How I Made the Decision to Write, not the story of Why I Write.

I have been working on the same story for several years now, and I’ve been told by some friends who used to work in the industry that I could go looking for a publisher right now. I’m not quite ready for that yet, so it’ll wait. The point is, for a long time I really struggled with forcing myself to focus. What was the point? Quit a job I hated so I could devote myself full-time to another job I hated? Because make no mistake – I hated writing. It was really hard work, and visions of all the other things writers have to do loomed on the horizon: interviews, readings, book signings, and all that. My understanding is that those things are necessary if you’re going to get yourself out there enough to sell enough books to make a living. I had no interest in any of those things, or the intense and painful work of sticking around in this dimension long enough to actually tell a story. Best case scenario: I become a rich and famous author. That’s the best case? I didn’t want to be famous, and while being rich could be nice, money by itself just wasn’t a good enough goal to motivate me. Sure, I wouldn’t mind trying on the title of Millionaire, but money just wasn’t a good enough reason. I hated my job, but it paid good money and had excellent benefits. Money couldn’t drive me to write, and fame was no golden carrot, so I was really stuck.

Flashback time. I like going to visit psychics for readings and such. Yes, lots of them are fakes, but I still enjoy it. I do, however, try to give them as little information about myself as I can. If they’re going to con me, I try to make them work for it. It’s entertaining if nothing else. Sometimes, though, I run into one that is really impressive, and once I went to a woman who performed “Angel Readings.” Basically, she would sit with you and act as the mouth piece for your guardian angel, and as an interesting method of centering herself she would make a chalk(?) drawing of your angel while she did the reading. You got to keep the drawing, and it was fun. This woman asked about my writing (which I pointedly did not mention), and said a few other things of interest to me but not to you. Most importantly, she said my angel called itself Einstein. Okay, whatever. Einstein. Sure.

Years later, I’m struggling to find a reason to write. My wife and I decide to take a little mini-vacation and go to the Dublin Irish Festival, which is a wonderful event held every year in Dublin, Ohio. I strongly recommend that you go, if you ever get the chance. Being a storyteller myself, I decide to go see several of the traditional Irish storytellers. Who knows, maybe I can learn something and be entertained. They were all great, and I look forward to going back and seeing them again; but the important bits weren’t the stories themselves, but what several of them said as they were wrapping up their sessions. Keep in mind these fellows were all in different tents speaking at different times. This wasn’t some grand collection of storytellers gathered together for an hour or two of stories; they were scattered all over the festival.

The first fellow shared a famous quote that I’m sure most of us have heard: “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” Albert Einstein said that, of course, and there’s a bit more to the quote than that, but that’s the part most people hear. That was fun and neat, but nothing I hadn’t heard before.

Then the second fellow wrapped up his session by defending the importance of stories. It was, appropriately, a story (that I’m paraphrasing):

“A woman, the mother of a precocious and exceptionally intelligent child, learned that she would have the opportunity to meet Albert Einstein and have a short chat with him. Elated, she decided that she would take a pen and notepad along and ask him what books she should read to her child to best encourage his knowledge and learning. When the time came, she asked Einstein her question, and he said, “Fairy tales,” and nodded thoughtfully. The woman was understandably taken aback, and after taking a second to recover, she asked, “What then?” And Einstein smiled and said, “More fairy tales.”

Now, I don’t know if that story is exactly true (this came from a storyteller, after all), but I have read a number of other Einstein quotes that support the sentiment if not the historical event.

“When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than any talent for abstract, positive thinking.”

“To know is nothing. To imagine is everything.”

I also found mention that Einstein credited his genius to his mother’s reading of folk and fairy tales to him as a child, and my understanding is that he came up with the theory of relativity by imagining himself sitting on a photon. How’s that for the power of imagination?

On the drive home from Ohio after the festival, my wife and I were discussing the storytellers and how I thought it was so cool that Einstein had said those things (I had never heard the fairy tale story before). Then I remembered what the angel reading lady had told me: my guardian angel’s name was Einstein.

And just like that, I had my Why. I’m not likely to make any significant advances in science, and neither am I inclined to become a politician or an activist who might cure some of society’s ills. But I can tell a story, and I can encourage the imaginations of people who will do those things. I can contribute most by doing exactly what I do: daydream. Will it take hard work to translate those daydreams into a shape that other people can benefit from? Sadly, hell yes. That’s okay, though, because I can make myself do the work if I have a good enough reason. Imagination is my reason.

Now, do I think that my guardian angel is Albert Einstein sans corporeal form? I rather doubt it; but that doesn’t matter, because he (or she, or it; how does that work with guardian angels, anyway?) got the point across with just a name. It took me a good long while to figure it out, but I got there eventually (and undoubtedly with some more help from Einstein – talk about a cosmic two-by-four upside the head). Do I still get frustrated and depressed because the work is really hard? You bet your ass I do. Do I still get pulled away from the work by the currents of my imagination? All the time. Do I still need to develop some self-discipline? Pffft; ya think? Man, I so wish I could just order some determination from Amazon. That would make it sooo much easier.

So there it is, my Why and how I came to recognize it. I sincerely hope that hearing how I found my Why will help you figure out yours, whatever it is that you do. Sometimes all it takes is some thought, and sometimes it takes a lot of thought and maybe some soul searching. Maybe my Why will turn out to be yours, too, and that’s cool. I’m happy to share, and happier still to think that maybe I helped someone else finish that all important quest. Take it from me, it’s an immense relief and a profound joy to have a Why.

Next time maybe I’ll do something really crazy like tell a story or something. I mean one I pulled from my ocean of dreams, not an anecdote from my personal life. I think it’s about time, don’t you?

Until then, happy dreaming, but keep your eyes on the road.

William

The Possibilities of the Impossible

It occurs to me that people who don’t know me might benefit from a short background on the who of me. Not family history, job history, education, or any of that, though I’ll grant that all that is part of who I am. I am specifically referring to my worldview and a few generalizations regarding my personality.

I’ve already mentioned that I’m a daydreamer, and that’s true, so far as it goes. I’m also a bit of a new age flake, though I don’t personally think I’m especially flaky. Yes, I wave crystals around on occasion, I practice energy medicine (Reiki and Fairy Realms Reiki – there’s a shocker), and I’m into astrology. Speaking of which, I’m a Cancer with Aquarius ascending, and according to the Chinese calender I’m an Metal Boar. I insist on Boar, by the way, not Pig. I can’t help but think of Babe or Wilbur when I think Pig, and I prefer the lean, fierce, tusky image of Boar to the pink, chubby, barnyard Pig. The symbolism of Boar means more to me than that of the average barnyard animal. If you really want a great book about astrology, and by far the most accurate description of Cancer I’ve ever seen, I recommend Astrology for Lovers, by Liz Greene. Can’t help with the Chinese astrology.

The important point, in my opinion, regarding Cancer is that it’s a water sign. Water is emotional, mystical, and mysterious. I act and react first according to emotion, then thought. No, I’m not histrionic or moved by irrepressible passions; I’m just saying that I am immediately aware of how I feel about a situation, and that feeling colors my response. The emotional way that I and my damp fellows, Scorpio and Pisces, interact with the world are often beyond the understanding of you earthy, airy, and fiery types. We often make no sense to you, and to be honest we often don’t understand ourselves or each other, either. Incidentally, Scorpios are the ones with all the scary passions; they’re fairly direct in going after what they want, and if you’re going to frustrate their desires watch out for their stings. Cancers like me never go directly after what we want; we always come at if from the side, and there’s a good chance you won’t realize we’re after it until we’ve got it firmly in our claws. Once we’ve got it, you’re going to play hell getting it back, and if you do you can bet we’ll retreat into our shells and grumble a lot. You might get pinched a bit, too. I’ll let one of the fish tell you about Pisces, though the answer might vary depending on whether they’re feeling all bright and tropical or dark and enigmatic.

I am also a Lavender life color, which probably means absolutely nothing to you at all, you poor, benighted soul, you. I highly encourage you to get your hands on a copy of What Color is Your Aura, by Barbara Bowers, or any of the life color books by Pamala Oslie. Life colors are part of your aura (as suggested by the title of Bowers’ book), and describing life colors is beyond the scope of this post. Here’s a link to one of Pamala Oslie’s sites:

www.auracolors.com

You can learn all sorts of things about life colors there, as well as finding a quiz that will help you learn what your life color is. Even if you don’t buy into the whole life color thing, it can be a fun diversion. Way better than those stupid personality quizzes in Cosmo.

Like I said, I’m a lavender, and as much as I would prefer a manlier color like blood red or pirate flag black, I have to admit that lavender is a far more appropriate color for my personality type. While I’m not effeminate, I’m no Leonidas, either. I don’t even like beer, and sports leave me sleeping in boredom. I might daydream about being the macho, sword-swinging bad ass, but in all honesty … well, I do own a sword, but so does my wife. Mine is bigger, though.

This is part of what Ms Oslie says about lavenders:

“Fantasy, enchantment, dreams, myths, spiritual beings, angels, fairies are all concepts which fill the Lavenders’ mind. Lavenders tend to live in a fantasy world. They prefer to spend their time out of their bodies, where life is pretty and enchanting. It is challenging for these airy beings to live in three-dimensional reality.”

There’s lots more about lavenders there, and I won’t say that it’s all flattering. Unfortunately, I also can’t say that’s it’s not true, to some extent at least. The important points here are the fantasy and enchantment bits, and especially the challenge of living in three-dimensional reality. It’s not a simple preference to spend my time out of my body; it’s often impossible (and painful) to stay in my body.

See, to me (and my pastel brethren), the fantasy worlds she refers to are nearly as real as this three-dimensional reality my body is stuck in. The world is larger by far than my meat eyes can see, but I see it all the same. What’s more, this larger world includes all those dreams, myths, spiritual beings, angels, and faeries she mentions. It has to, and it’s not just limited to those things. And it’s not limited to just one larger world; there are myriad worlds out there, and I wander into and out of them all the time. I have to, because I belong there at least as much as I do here. It’s my job, you could say. Now, I could go off on modern physicists theorizing about alternate realities and all those other dimensions that sensible people don’t believe in, but I won’t. I could also mention that all those little models of atoms and molecules you made in high school with tinker toys represented energy (you can’t actually hold a proton, you know), and since we’re made of atoms we are actually energy ourselves, and this sensation of physicality is just an illusion. Okay, I guess I will mention that. My point here is that energy … okay, I’ve forgotten what my point was, but it’s an interesting thought all the same, so I’ll leave it in.

(I humbly ask that no physicists or scientifically-inclined kick my digital ass in the comments; you want to know about Thor, I can help; physics are way not my strong suit, but I’m pretty sure I have the basic idea right.)

I’m not here to explain every detail of why I believe or even exactly what I believe; my point is simply to establish the fact that I do believe in things that most people consign to the toy bin of silly childish things. Believe me when I say that not all faeries are childish (few are, in fact); all is not “pretty” here in my “fantasy” world, and there are dark, bloody things creeping through the shadows. Some of them are faeries, and some are straightforward monsters. Either way, they’re not the sort of folks you want to hang out with. Yes, I believe in unicorns. I also believe in kelpies. More to the point, I don’t see any reason not to believe. You don’t get to pick and choose, you know – if you believe in the nice ones, you have to believe in the bad ones, too. To do otherwise would be like only believing in butterflies but refusing to accept the possibility of bot flies.

The thing is, it doesn’t matter whether these things are real or not; it’s the possibility, the magic, the wonder, and even the impossibility of these things that fascinates me. I don’t want you to think that I spend all my time daydreaming just because I find it interesting, though; I spend all my time daydreaming because that’s what I do. Can’t help it. In fact, sometimes I wish I could stop daydreaming for a little while.

If you really want to know how I drift through the world, here are a few “rules” I live by. I don’t think of them as rules, but since it makes it a bit easier to talk about we’ll go with it.

So here follow the Three Rules of William, or The Possibilities of the Impossible:

Rule #1: Just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there.

Just because my earthly eyes can’t rest on a thing or a person, neither that thing nor that person are thereby bound to not exist. It’s not as simple as being in a dark room, or being blind; you’re knee will crack into the coffee table whether you can see it or not. I’m talking about those things that you can’t see, touch, or smell, and those things that maybe you could if they wanted you to. The more sensitive of us often can see, smell, and ‘feel’ those intangible things, though we’re trained to ignore them as flights of fancy or silly daydreams. Sometimes they are flights of fancy, of course, but sometimes they’re not. There’s no rule that states that just because you don’t see it, it has to be there. The point of this rule is that it could be there, even if you don’t see it. An important sub-rule: just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it couldn’t be there.

Rule #2: Just because it never happened doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

This isn’t the stubborn denial of fact so much as accepting the possibility of not knowing as much as we think we do. For example, lots of people will sigh and patiently (or impatiently) explain that there was never an Atlantis. The rise, flowering, and fall of Atlantis never happened. Okay, except maybe it did happen. And even if it didn’t happen, it’s still a nice possibility. I mean, what a story!

Rule #3: Just because it’s impossible doesn’t mean it can’t happen.

Logically, rationally, I might be willing to admit that a lot of things I believe in are silly, strange, and completely indefensible. Of course faeries aren’t real, there’s no such thing as sea monsters, and vampires simply cannot exist. Except that I always come back to the question of “Why not?” Just because we can clearly explain and scientifically demonstrate why they can’t exist doesn’t mean they don’t exist. Besides, I have felt the presence of faeries, felt them touch me, caught glimpses of them with my real eyes, and communicated with them (no, not with words – not yet, anyway).

I’ll be one of the first to rejoice over having left a lot of dangerous superstitions behind. I’m grateful for the Age of Reason and the Scientific Revolution, believe me. But for lavenders, or at least for me, it isn’t about defying the limitations of science and returning to the days of enhancing fertility by wrapping a compress of horse manure and herbs around my head and laying on a stone under the light of the full moon; it’s about an entirely different discipline, something we’ve moved away from, and Oslie sums it up as enchantment. It’s about intuition, magic, and wonder. Other worlds exist side by side with our own, some within, some without, and some in the exact same space. I believe this, but whether I’m right or wrong is beside the point.

Beyond that, it’s about the subtle beauty and the wonder of all those things rational eyes can’t see. Stories and daydreams are important (and I’ll tell you why in my next post). Will I ever have to slam on my car’s breaks to avoid hitting a manticore? I seriously doubt it. If I do, will I think I imagined the whole thing? Probably. But I can envision the possibility, and now that I’ve considered it I’m going to catch myself keeping a watchful eye for careless manticores every time I get behind the wheel. Stupid manticores. Pay attention!

Welcome to the World of William.